Wishing in a falling star

Last Tuesday night, Karla, Faith and I had dinner (last post) at Dats Mix. Overflowing stories from their Friday sleepover was the topic. Of course, the topics of boys would always be there. ;) The topic led to a point where Karla expressed the topic of having boyfriends. She told us that right now, her perspective of boyfriends would be that, her next one would already be her last. Alas! It grabbed my senses back.

Okay so here I am about to rant. Boyfriends are a bit of a touchy topic to me. So allow me to rant about this (for the first time).

Back when I was HS, I used to like a lot of guys. My friends and I, always have a joke of having A-Z lists about our crushes and likes. Just for the fun of it. We weren't ashamed of doing such. Hehe. In HS, I was a hopeless romantic. I had two major crushes that crushed my life. They knew that I liked them, which took them to take me for granted (I think). Yes, I was puppily and crazily in like. EHHH. I was a tomboyish kind of girl back in HS too, which made me conclude that, that may be the reason why they haven't liked me. (HI HS crush, if you're reading this.. can you answer me if this I am writing is correct. I know you know who you are.) I have done a lot of things, you would never imagine me doing. Haha! Yeah, I was a kid then.

Come college, I had a different perspective about liking people. I had to swear to myself never to act the way I was during high school. I would never want to do those embarrassing things for the people I like. I did like a lot of guys too (cause they're kind and funny), and there was this huge undertow that I was not expecting. I had my first boyfriend. Someone liking me and I liking him, made such a different feeling other than the times I was liking someone, who I know does not like me back. But here is the realization, I did not like him enough than those days when I was in HS. The feeling was different, it was something serious, not only superficial.

I thought to myself, that maybe this is it. This may be the guy I may begin to love forever. Circumstances rose up, I know there was something wrong with our relationship. Who's loving less and who's loving more? That is always the BIG question. I know that in love, you have to love unconditionally, but when you always take the power to measure on who gives more and who gives less, the relationship would always come badly.

Sometimes, you enter a relationship thinking it would just be the perfect one for you. The guy must be the guy of your dreams. You love each other, okay, that's given. But what if love ain't enough to establish this relationship.

Okay, I'm so ranting out right now. Sorry. Haha!

My whole point is, how will you know if he's the one? Who would know if the person you're with now is the right one?

In accordance to the talk we had last Tuesday, I realized that I had to move slow and in my own pace. I should not be rushing to finding the right guy, cause eventually there would be that guy who will balance out my life and would not always measure up.

So finally, I am establishing a rule to myself.

My next boyfriend shall, at all cost, would take every inch of struggle to prove that he would be the one. I could not take another bunch of heartbreak in my life.

I want my next boyfriend to be my last.

And he better sing to me Kung Akin Ang Mundo by Erik Santos. If you did, yeah, I'll marry you. Haha!